Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
