I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
