a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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