Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
