i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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