So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
