No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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