i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
