We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
