Got a toothbrush?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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