End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She has the best kind of daddy issues
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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