im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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