this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
