so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How naked do you want me to be?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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