please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
