a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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