I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
