I heard we made out
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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