Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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