I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
