Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
