I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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