I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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