God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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