you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
