"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
