Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
