I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
