so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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