too bad you live with your parents still
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
