i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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