On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
