I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
