Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
