I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
