he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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