im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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