so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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