It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
