Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize