I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
