She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
