he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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