we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
