hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
