just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
