All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
