Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
