You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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