He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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