why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Someone signed my nipple.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
