Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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