great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
