you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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