Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
