Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am naked and annoyed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
