I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
