Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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