Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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