I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's shark week go big or go home
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize