I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
