some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
