dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
