she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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